I bobbed up to a bonfire of blissful brilliance

Oh, blog. I can't figure out if I've missed you or not. We'll see how this goes...

Hmm. Writing Jen. I like her. She knows more words than I do. She flows like a river and comes up with things that, when I read them later, I'm thinking, "How the hell did I come up with that?" And yes, obviously we are one and the same consciousness manifested in this body, and I'm trying to find more and more ways to keep her on the surface. She's so expressive, and I-- lately have found the need to keep quiet. And it's not the same quiet as in No Sound. It's more like, ... ... (I can't even write this sentence, I've deleted it 4 times-- THIS is what I'm talking about).

And how the wisdom peeks through. I know this is simply a lack of confidence. Self-imposed (as everything allllllways is), integrated patterns of negative thought which are wholly unnecessary. But enough about that. It's a choice, and here I am ferociously attempting to make a new one. There are buckets full of love in my life, and it's time I began pouring a few glasses.

Step 1. Do exciting things. This seems simple enough, but sometimes I get caught up in Shoulds. I should all over myself until I'm conforming to the Jen who behaves. I never cared much for her. She doesn't like handcuffs, but she wants to be patted on the head. This leads to..

Step 2. Care not about the judgments of others (read: pat myself on the head). Ooooh, seems simple enough! Ok, you know, it really is. It's settled, I'm bored with steps now.

It's all about love. Everything is all about love. Blissful ecstasy, dancing as a whirlwind through all of life. Singing a note along the wind... surging tingles... busting bursting thirsting. It's that feeling. That feeling!!! Anyway to get there, do it. All means, all paths, ALL PATHS. There is no right or wrong way to attain twisty, misty harmonized glow. It's about luminescence and effervescence.... graceful quiescence, and ecstatic presence.

It's Thriving, over merely Surviving.

We are all loved by someone...

This blog is being written by request. A long-time reader of mine, in a very timely way might I add, messaged me requesting a special blog regarding his situation. However, as I read his request and made some notes, it dawned on me that his problem is not unique to 25-year-old handicapped virgins. There are plenty of "average" 25-year-old virgins and indeed, plenty of NON-virgins, who are grappling (such a cliche word, but it just came out) with the issue of, "Will it ever happen?"

This person, we'll call him Sawyer, is someone I met randomly on the internet, and with whom I have stayed in contact...going on I think 3 years now. He's very smart, precise and articulate.However, his lack of experience and confidence has unfortunately bestowed upon him an awkward sensibility which experienced girls his age might find slightly... off-putting.

You gotta hone a little suave, here. I've said it a million times... the vibe you're putting out is like a BOOMERANG. There's a lot within your control here, but the entire point of this blog is: it doesn't matter what you do... or don't do... or screw up. There is a person out there, who is attracted to every nuance your DNA conjures up. JUST, PRECISELY as you do things, are their favorite way for things to be done. This person exists. If only because you want it so much...

One thing I have personally witnessed to be TRUE, is that you have to get yourself to a place (a real, true place) where you just don't care anymore. It's an Opening and Closing thing. When you are desperate, on the FRENZY, and analyzing every inflection of a conversation to suit your hopes, there's a haze over your vision, and thus your magnetic field. Vibes make vision, not the other way around! That haze over your vision is like the wrong kind of magnet. Or rather, blinders. When you turn your psychological gaze away from something, in an attempt to move onto something else (because this desperation is driving you CRAZY), it's like those blinders crumble to sand. The "frenzy" feeling instantly puts a blockage in place because it essentially implies doubt. Doubt in the universe, doubt in your own ability to create for yourself, and control that magnetic field.

Not to be confused with aloof, but a certain "I'm not going to want this so much anymore" or better yet, "I'm going to attempt to forget about this", usually results in an overabundance of that which we were wanting. A lyric from one of my favorite Alanis tunes comes to mind from her song, "Thank U"... "The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle". The "letting go" part, is called faith (confidence, courage--whatever you want to call it, it's attractive!).

So with the confidence part handled (because it is the most important), you gotta combine that with a very care-free (read: faithful) attitude to the whole thing. Think about odds. You're going to go through many, many introductions and interactions with those of your attractive gender. Some will be swift in and outs of your life. Some will turn into friends. Some friends will eventually go out. Some will stay. Some might become something more only to be accidentally ruined by that. You might want some to become more, but the other person prefers friends. Some will want you, and never tell you. There are so many dynamics and social ingredients simmering in the pot, and you don't want to eat it when the vegetables are still crunchy. Get it? Once it boils down perfectly (and oh, the universe has such a delicious and natural way of pulling this off without a hitch), it will come together in a way that baffles and pleases you. Trust me on this one.

As for YOU, Sawyer, might I add that I certainly understand your loneliness, and an inability to properly execute the aforementioned because you just CAN'T BE NOT DESPERATE. But just try and try. Eventually you will get comfortable, and she/he will come.

P.S. Sorry this was so late. :)

Afresh

It has recently been brought to my attention that words are neat. Again, it seems I have fallen out of my writing rhythm, and witnessed how writing fails me when I leave it. And isn't that true of all things. Leaving. Beginning again. It's hard, and it seems that we all leave things we love, or get left by things we love. But! This blog is about new beginnings, which I seem to write about a lot. I've had quite a few in the last couple years, and those who know me are well aware of the journey on which I've been. But I don't want to talk about me, and I don't even want to talk about the Universe, per se (shocker). I want to talk about humans. I want to discuss the changes I feel we are under, and my theory regarding what's going on here.

First of all, I can say with relative accuracy that MANY (if not, all) people have been on quite a roller-coaster ride in the last 1-2 years. I feel right now it's even more climactic, volatile, and sudden. I was never what you'd call a History Buff, but I just have a feeling that the times in which we are living currently are so dynamic, as to be described as "Other Worldly"... I think this is important, and more importantly-- time for spiritual wake-up calls.

And what better way to obtain said "wake-up call", than to recognize, not only that the current endings in our lives (read: new beginnings) are necessary for collective evolution, but that they are vast and sweeping, and forcing us out of outdated modes of thought. This is the key to growth (albeit, painful). We are experiencing forced change, because we've been resisting it for way too long...

I think now, more than ever, the closeted minorities have to STEP UP, louder. There has never been a more ripe time for art (creativity), bolder-than-normal expression, and all the down-trodden extroverts who've been beaten into conformist submission to come forth with a sleeker spin on universal viewpoints. We don't like to show it under the facade of iPhones and Gucci, but we are ready to listen to the "radicals".

In romance, we've been deluded, derailed, and high-tailed. We've been shown the fairy tale-- how much it crumbles when adhered to (1950s), we've bought into the pessimism (sky-rocketing divorce rates, 1990s), and we've become fearful and insecure altogether: ditch the fairy-tale dream, and be award-winningly skeptical if it should arrive. We're all fucked up, honestly. And those of us who aren't, those of us who have the relationship world commanded: write some books. Get some knowledge out. Rack your brain as to why y'all have special bonds that the majority of the masses find elusive... Connected to my previous point: STEP UP.

And as I always say once I come back from hiatus, this first one shall be concise, I'd love to plant just a tiny seed of thought into your minds. Just the flimsiest whisper of a notion that what I'm saying is not cliche, and maybe we are being massively redirected as a species-- as never before in OUR history... (Because time is cyclical, not progressional), and that all of these gnarley events are placing us somewhere needed... Contemplate. When I'm less drunk and more awake I will elaborate on this terribly generalized blog.